“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”
-Desmond Tutu
For those of you who havent heard the great news, Paula and I are adopting a baby boy in April. This journey has been a roller coaster of emotions since it stated in mid-December and we still have a few months to go. We’ve talked about the adoption and how we would handle telling the baby that he was adopted when that time came; we have yet to decided on a time/age. With adoption being top of mind I began thinking about my Father and wonder how his adoption took place. My Dad was raised from a baby by Grandma Irene and Grandpa Sid, he didn’t find out till around the age of eleven that he was adopted. I didn’t say anything to anyone about my Dad’s adoption being on my mind again because I knew nothing could/would be done, my family is the type to keep things that are private, private. Regardless of age or relationship, if it’s not meant to be said or told to anyone it wont be, it’s like we sweep things under the rug and just leave them there. Well, I was tired of that and I wanted answers. Over the course of about 8 years I’ve been trying to find answers on where my family came from. I know most of my Mothers family tree but my Dad, well, that was more like a Charlie Brown tree, small branches with very little information. Only solid information I knew was who my Dad’s birth mother was but never his biological father.
I was instant messaging my Aunt Brenda on Friday via Facebook and she had mentioned that a lot of people were on Facebook and she was going to try and get my cousin to join as well. After that she mentioned that her cousin Judy Rocha had added her and asked if I knew who it was, I told her I didn’t and she continued to tell me it was Tillie’s, my Father’s biological Mother’s, daughter. Right away a light bulb went off in my big ol’ head. Why not add her, why not try to find out some information about my Dad’s family tree? So I did. She accepted my request that evening and I send her an email explaining who I was and that I had some questions about my Dad’s biological family and if she could help me at all. She was great enough to explain to me as much as she knew, as she knew very little about the adoption itself as well. Together with what we each knew we put the pieced the puzzle somewhat back together about our family. I explained to Judy that I would like to get in contact with my biological Grandfather Mario, to ask some questions before it’s too late. Judy explained to me that he had passed away in September of 2009, I felt the wind leave from under my wings, he was the only one left I could possibly meet to find out where the Diaz family got their good looks from. LOL Tillie had passed away as well, eleven months prior to Mario, so the two people I wanted to get to know in my older years and be able to have a relationship with had passed and left with questions unanswered. I take full blame for that, I’m an adult. If I wanted the relationship that bad I should have taken the needed steps to contact Tillie before she passed and explain to her that I wanted to get clarification on some information about our family history, but I didnt and now it’s too late. I’m thankful I found Judy and her brothers and sisters who are willing and able to help me piece this puzzle back together as much as possible. I feel much better knowing someone knows something. I could talk to my Grandma Irene about it but I’ve attempted that and was unable to get a whole lot more information that I already knew. I know there are more answers but as I stated before my family is the type to keep things under that rug.
Some may wonder if I will start calling Judy my Aunt along with her four brothers and three sisters, Aunt’s and Uncle’s; I leave that up to them, if they have no problem growing our family relationship, neither do I. Some may also ask if my family dynamics will change, the answer is no. As Desmond Tutu said, family is God’s gift to us, as we are to them. I wouldn’t have the great, amazing memorable memories that I do of growing up with the people I’ve always called my family if it wasn’t for Tillie, Irene and Mario making the decision that they did. If they didn’t make that decision what would my life be like? Would my Dad have met my Mom if Irene didn’t raise him? Would I even be here typing this now? How different would my life be if Tillie raised my Dad? I could come up with a million questions like that but why waste my time? I have my family, my Grandma Irene, Grandpa Sid, Aunts Brenda and Geri and 50 million cousins (there are too many to remember right now); those people are my family and will always be, regardless of blood. They are my gift from God as I am theirs. I’m ready and willing to allow new family into my life, some times things happen for a reason that we have no control over and this is one of those situations. Now is the time to get the questions answered grow my family even more.
With the baby that we adopt we will insure we answer any questions he may have when he is older because I do not want him to have to be in the dark about his family history. Of course the adoption will be an open one which would allow for the birth parents to still be in contact with the baby and us as time goes on. I’m extremely excited to take this journey in my life and honored at the same time considering my Dad was adopted and we are now taking that journey ourself.
Until next time….
-JD
