My Tax Dollars

Yesterday while on my way back to work I stopped into a local gas station to grab a diet Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash, which are amazing if you’ve never had one before. I was two customer behind a guy who was buying a box of Zebra Cakes, Ho-Ho’s and a 20oz soda. I didn’t think anything of it until he pulls out an EBT card to pay for it. That made my skin crawl. I don’t work my butt off to pay taxes so that you can sit around and waste my money on junk food. For those of you who don’t know what an EBT card is it is a card provided by the state to low income households to purchase food. I don’t know the exact qualifications in the state of South Dakota but I imagine there aren’t that many hoops they have to jump through.

Growing up my Mom was a single Mom, my brother and I didn’t have a father figure (who was worth a shit) go out and “bring home the bacon” for us. Since my Mom was a stay at home Mom she depended on the states assistance. She received housing, food stamps, medicaid  and welfare but did we live a luxurious life? No. My Mom made sure the assistance she was receiving went to correct uses. There were many times when we would go to the grocery store for food and I would want the cool new fruit snacks that came out like fruit roll-up, gushers, etc. Do you think I had that? No. I wanted the cool new Adidas shoes, do you think I had those? No. I wanted to live in the nice house with the white picket fence, do you think we did?No. Did I have food on my dinner plate?Yes. Did I have clothes on my back? Yes. Did I have a place to lay my head at night?Yes. My Mom provided the things needed to make sure my brother and I were taken care of, she didn’t waste the assistance she was receiving on junk.

It irritates me to see these young people (cough cough,no comment) pop out kids and live off of the state irresponsibly. That money is to put food in your fridge, not to go out to the local gas station, who charges 1.5x more than a local grocer would, to get junk food. Go buy bread, eggs, ham, cheese, milk, cereal….the things NEEDED to live. I wish one day states would limit the type of items people can purchase with food stamps, similar to WIC. Then I would be satisfied knowing what my tax money is going to otherwise my tax money could be spent on other things that need a little more attention, like paying teachers a comfortable salary, music instruments in local schools, street repairs, etc. But I guess until I am Commander in Chief that will never happen and my opinion is just that…….an opinion.

What I’ve Learned

They say life changes once you have kids, truer words have never been spoken.

In the last 4 months I have come to realize a lot about myself and my new lifestyle.  While others never learn from having kids, I did.  I’ve come to realize that Nathan always comes before anything, whether that is my phone, the internet or a hobby.  I can be in the middle of texting a friend back and forth and if Nathan starts crying or Paula needs me help with him that phone goes down.  My really good friend Pam understands, she knows when I’m busy with him because we could be in mid-conversation on GTalk and next thing you know I don’t reply for an hour or two.  Others still put their own happiness/pleasure before their children and it just blows my mind.  If those people would put as much effort into their children that they do with the internet/phone/hobbies their life may be a little different.  I feel sorry those children, I really do.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you need to give up everything for your child(ren) but there is a time and a place for it.  Your child(ren) have to come first! For instance, sometimes I don’t get to check my Facebook once I’m off work (I have plenty of free time at work) so it waits until I’m laying in bed and Nathan is asleep and even then I just browse through it quickly. Some may say what they are doing is to better their child(ren) lives, but in actuality it’s hurting them and all you are doing is creating an excuse to put your child(ren) second.  I’ll never understand these people but we only learn from what we are taught and maybe those people were treated the same way by their parents.

Moral of the story? Put your kids before yourself, ALWAYS!

 

You may now resume your normal internet browsing. LOL

The Final Stretch….

The final stretch, that’s where we are right now with the adoption process.  We’ve had our home study, passed it, and were recommended for adoption which is a process that has to be done in order to adopt in the first place.  We’ve bought a majority of the large things we need for the nursery now and have placed all the decorations on the walls. (see pictures) The remaining items will wait till after the baby shower to see what we received and what we didn’t off the registry.  We’ve put an action place in place at work to ensure our stores are covered in our absence.  The ONLY thing left is the baby, we have to wait until he decided to grace us with his presence.

What is a home study?
- Well, it’s essentially what it sounds like, a study of the home.  The evening of March 17th our social worker came over for our scheduled home study and sat with us and explained what she was going to do and what needed to take place afterward.  She asked us some questions about our background, family history (medical), how friends and family felt about us adopting a child, got to know us a little better and how we were planning for the baby’s arrival.  Of course I wont go into our whole life story otherwise you may be reading this for the remainder of the week.  At the end of the “interview” the social worker looked around our home and seen the nursery, she also complimented us on the beauty of our home.  She did take a lot of notes which made me a little nervous but Paula and I knew we had nothing to be scared of, we just acted like ourselves and didn’t put on a facade.  At the conclusion of the home study our social worker explained she would have someone transcribe her notes and compile the information into the actually home study documents (legal format).  As she was walking out the door she turned to us and said “you guys have nothing to worry about, you will be great parents”; that alone, made my week.  Late the next week we received the copy of the official home study, which is submitted to the State of South Dakota, approving us for the adoption.

That’s a home study in a nut shell, nothing to fancy or exhilarating.

Now what?
- We wait.  Our birth mother turned 37 weeks yesterday and still has no signs of labor.  There is nothing we can do to help move this along any quicker.  We’ve done everything on our end, we just have to wait for the little guy to hold his end of the bargain and show up!  Yes, I’m already making deals with my son.

What happens when you get “the call”?
-We PANIC! No, in all honesty, we just get in contact with Krystal (Paula’s Mom) and let her know the time has arrived and have her book our flights to Texas.  She’s a flight attendant so we get to fly for dirt cheap last-minute.

Don’t hate, appreciate.

Once we are in Texas there is a time frame that our birth mother has to change her mind and decide to keep the baby, that time is 48 hours.  Once that 48 hours has surpassed she is permitted to terminate her rights and we can become his parents.  Of course that’s a whole long legal process that I won’t bore you with, let’s just say once this is all said and done it will have taken 10 months to complete.  After the two days has passed and some legal mumbo-jumbo is done allowing us to leave the state of Texas (pending he has a clean bill of health and permitted to fly) we come home to South Dakota and start our little family.  Worst case scenario, we may have to drive to South Dakota from Texas, we shall wait and see what happens.

So, as we travel down this final stretch of the adoption process we just wait, and wait, and wait…..oh, and wait some more! I just wish he would come already, but there are only 3 week left.

Until next time,
-JD

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Day by Day

As the days draw closer to April 24th, we become more and more excited.  Our dream of becoming parents is finally going to come true.  I never thought adopting a baby would be so long and a time consuming, boy was I mistaken.  Over the last month Paula and I have had to go to our doctors to be tested for STD’s, Hepatitis and have a physical done.   We had to fill out a 9 page application and answer questions about ourself, each other and family; I haven’t done so much printing since college.  We had to go be finger printed and have those sent off to both the state and FBI to insure we are not criminals at large.  We’ve got the state results back now we are only waiting for the federal ones.  Once those come back we can schedule an appointment with the social worker who will be interviewing us to insure we are suitable for adoption.  Once the interview takes place, I am not to sure how long it is before we get an actually YES or NO from her, I would assume a couple days.  We have retained attorneys in both states (required) to ensure all laws are followed and that we dot and cross all of our “I’s” and “T’s”.  We have spoke with the birth mother a little more and have got to know her on a more personal level.  We want her to feel comfortable allowing us to adopt her baby, we want her to know that we aren’t just going to adopt him and then fall off the face of the earth.  This will be an open adoption will allow the birth mother to have contact with us, as she wishes.

So as it sits right now, we are just waiting for finger prints to come back and to be interviewed by the social worker.

I know I promised an update on the nursery as it comes along, I am sorry to report that it’s a disaster. LOL  We have a crib, changing table and bassinet and 50 million other things I can’t remember right now.  I will post SOME pictures but not of the whole room because at this point it has everything EVERYWHERE.  We’ve received a lot of clothes from Katye (Nathan’s soon to be God-Mother) who just had a son 13 months ago.  We have decided on a theme for the room and it is…………………..DRUM ROLL…………………….. jungle!  We both agreed it was a cute and boy-ish theme.  We still have some work to do on the nursery over the next couple of weeks and once it is completed or “ready” I will post some pictures.  Until then, enjoy what I did post.

As of today, the birth mother and Nathan are 32 weeks and 1 day along and the time is drawing closer, before you know it we will be celebrating his birth and then 1 year birthday!  So, until next time…….

-JD

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End of the world….

I deleted you off Facebook, Twitter, MySpace (if anyone still uses it) and any other social networking site, what do you do?  Freak out?  Go into a frenzy?  Assume I hate you?  None of the above.

Over the last 90 days or so I have done this with a couple of people, why? Because I not to deal with their drama that they pour all over social networks.  If I cant stand your constant mood swings, constant emo posts and or your “advice” how people should live their life when you don’t follow it yourself.   That is MY opinion is just that, MINE, and it doesn’t reflect any one else. If YOU choose to let it then maybe there are other issues that should be addressed.  I will be the first one to admit if I deleted you off somewhere if you come to me and ask me, I won’t deny it and I will tell you why.  My actions are exactly that, MY actions.  I will delete people because I don’t feel like dealing with their drama or constantly complaining about how horrible their life is but they refuse to change it.  Now, does that mean I hate you? No. Does that mean I never want to talk to you again? No. It simply means I don’t care to hear about your problems any longer so I clear you off my timeline/news feed.  Now, I understand that sometimes people have a bad day or week, I do, trust me.   But when it is constant negativity or arguments that you choose to start I refuse to deal with it.

Now, this is where the main concern comes into play.  People have become so reliant on social networks to confirm a friendship with another person and that is just ridiculous.  Do you wake up every morning and look at your friend count to see if you lost any? No. (If you do, please seek help.)  Some individuals really depend on that to confirm a friendship with someone and I don’t understand that.  Maybe someone can help me understand that?  What did we do before social networks?  We would pick up the phone and call our friends to see how they were doing, see what they have been up to and what , if any, plans they had for an upcoming weekend.  We had communication, we spoke with our friends.  I sometimes wish things were still that way because too many people have become reliant on a social network to confirm a relationship with someone.  Now just because I delete you that doesn’t mean I no longer want to talk to you it just simply means I don’t care to be bogged down by your drama/sad stories/words of wisdom any longer on an hourly, minute or daily basis.

My Mom told me as a child that the quantity of friends doesn’t matter nearly as much as the quality and I stand by that 1000% percent.  I rather have 5 really good friends that I can talk to about anything then 50 friends who don’t know a thing about who I really am.  I am blunt, I have strong opinions and will voice them if it’s warranted, I don’t easily open up to people and when I do, expect me to be the friend who keeps it real with you.  If you can’t accept me for who I am then you dont accept me as a friend.

Don’t judge me when I make comments that may or may not offend you, unless the comment addresses you by name then you should not be offended because obviously it wasn’t directed at you.  I am who I am, accept it or move on.

It’s not the end of the world people when someone removes you from a social network, go back to the old times and use that old time device called a phone to call them and see what’s going on.  Ask them why they may have deleted you, DO NOT ASSUME, a real friend will tell you the truth.  One thing a good friend of mine told me in HS was that when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.  Yes, this blog is directed at a few people who have assumed I hated them because I stopped following or unfriended them on a social network.  Come to me ask me why, I would for you.

There’s a whole other world out there besides social networks, don’t let a “friend/follower” title be the end of the world for you.

 

-JD